Heartfelt Daily

Accepting Existence

What a wonderful place self-pity is to be!! I wallow and wallow and wallow. But it is not meaningless. The rudeness of this life can lead one in a downward spiral. When I try to put away all the conditions, and put away the thoughts of my current painful disposition and be happy regardless, I am brought back to that. I see my problems, my challenges, my trials, my needs, and my reality. I see all these, and I can’t be happy.

My friend needs me right now. She has problems of loneliness. But, don’t we all? We all feel empty, hollow and detached that we live and breathe trying to add meaning to our lives through careers, entertainment, love and relationships. A little ounce of meaning, a little slice of sense. But these things never fully satisfy. And the little things too, how they fall short! We may try to pleasure in them, a smile, the shining sun, a word of greeting, yogurt and muesli, a cup of tea, the sound of a starting engine. But we still cannot be completely happy, even as we savour these things.

And day by day, existence is futile. Until we achieve we our true purpose, all else is baggage to pass time. I may have an appointment on Monday, but what has that got to do with my purpose? Perhaps, someone may desire to have a relationship, but what has that got to do with anything?

In this life, its aloneness and solitude, Christ is whom I truly need. Not a partner. Not a job. Christ. And we cry each day, sinners saved, that “Lord, how long?” or “Father, please take me now.” Yet, our cries will only be answered in His time, perhaps ages later, after we die. Today, I will just sit and exist.

He may want to start a relationship, but what does love have to do with anything?

In this life, its aloneness and solitude, Christ is whom I truly need. Not a partner. Not a job. Christ. And we cry each day, sinners saved, that “Lord, how long?” or “Father, please take me now.” Yet, our cries will only be answered in His time, perhaps ages later, after we die. Today, I will just sit and exist.

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