I have taken it upon myself to reply your persistent inquiry, though I initially wanted to have nothing to do with it. I cannot bear to put you through so long a suspense. Pardon my choice to write a letter, but a text message is not fitting for all that I have to say.
First, you shock me! Of all the perfect indifference you have expressed to me over the years, this proposal is a scary surprise. From my view nothing of me has changed, other than my recent completion of my degree, which could be enough to make me an object of your attractions. I still wonder. Although I may be of age to find a suitor, YOU have never been of any serious consideration. Your proposal could have been perhaps welcomed several years ago, when I was revelling in the naïveté of teen hood, but I have been thoroughly acquainted with your real character to be no fool. I still wonder if this is all based on a bet, if I’m ultimately going to be the whimsical fool, but I pray to God that it isn’t, that I may address matters of my concern with you, which I have never been given the perfect platform to do so.
On top of the shock you have inflicted, I put all the times you have injured me. To you, could a sister be so worthless? When I moved to Gaborone I fell victim to your deceits. Because you caught me unawares, I never knew that your want of my opinion was to spite me and mock me, to present me as a person of inferior intelligence as compared to your superior standards. You have been amazingly rude, even in the Sanctified Place, sparing no consideration for anybody. Heck, even your handshake was an insult! Many times you have injured me, lead me to the course of trickling tears and questions of the necessity of faith, if it should involve so many relationships so painful.
I should also not to forget to mention how you have failed me. This is not a case to present myself as an infallible woman with no lack. No, I just raise my concern as a sister in Christ. I wear a covering on my head to symbolise the Headship of Christ over the church, and you over me. But on numerous occasions, when I desire to be shown to the Christ, of whom you are much closer to in rank, you have not. Instead, you walk PROUD with your garments of self-righteousness, tread upon those all you consider inferior (while you suck up to the superior), rise up to deliver an arrogant sermon and walk with confidence after doing so. The heathen multitudes who shall never know the Lord! I cry with them! The destruction of those who have never been convicted because of hearing one who was never speaking in Christ is the result of when men like you are allowed to speak. Brother, you have failed me.
I have my very STRONG prejudices, just as you have your very DECIDED pride. If we could appear in a narrative, not even Jane Austen could bring us together. I will anxiously await the day of your most sincere humility, not with an intension to change my mind about you, but to solely see Christ. Though I must admit, the urgency in your voice and the pleading look you had in your eye as you made your desire known to me yesterday, had me softened but the hard thought of your injuries immediately returned, and I cannot answer back in a more positive manner.
This is a decline, brother dearest, of your pursuit. I cannot picture myself in more bonds with YOU than that of the guardrail we are in because of the Cross. If it is a loss of heavenly destiny, I am ready to atone. If it is an escape, I will delight in it. In my view, there is more love to receive when one gives it, and it is a thunderbolt of reality I wish you to be better familiar with. One cannot expect the more that he doesn’t give, and blessings from disgraces he makes by choice. Please accept my decision, for I am firm on my stand. I wait for your true conviction of the Christ, and while you do, remember that Substance maketh a man, not the physicals.
Yours in the Lord